we met back in college, seven or eight years ago, and since that time
at least one of us had been in a relationship. some of those years we
would have very little contact, others we would see more of each
other, depending on where we worked at the time and other obligations
we might have. but the whole time, the routine was the same: one of us
would call or e-mail the other at work, around 11:30, and say, you up
for a little lunchtime venting? it was always understood what that
meant - there was trouble in paradise, and one of us needed the other
to say what was already evident: its time to move on. leave. go. 
its too big a problem for you to fix. you cant change him-her....
its a weird platonic thing weve had going these years, since back in
college we were both so unabashed about declaring ourselves the most
attractive, the smartest people we knew, and how were we ever to find
someone to date who would be as beautiful and smart as we thought a
mate worthy of our time would be?

you were in month eight of dating a brooding grad student who, despite
his continued course work, seemed to have gotten lost on the way to
earning his m.a. in english lit. good philosophy grad that i was, i
constantly ribbed you about this fops idea of a wild saturday night:
sitting in your living room, dimming the lights, getting high on that
nasty bud light piss he insisted on storing in your fridge, and
reading some dog-eared volume of foucault, occasionally feeling the
need to preach aloud some random passage to whomever was within ear
shot (which, of course was always lucky you). jesus, and you had been
letting him do that every single weekend! you made me laugh when you
said youd developed your own ritual of playing with yourself every
sunday morning after hed stumble away to his apartment. i said, who
could blame you, since for the last three months he would reach his
postmodern climax way too soon, fall asleep in the chair (and your
only comfortable one, damnit!) and leave you to goad him from the
chair to your bed. the six-yard walk of shame. and at the end of it he
was only more exhausted than before, and quite limp and useless, you
couldnt help but notice (and you went out with him because...?)

so one day over loaded baked potatoes and caesar salads (our
traditional cheap lunch at houstons), i finally convinced you to dump
donnie dorko. (im not sure if it was because i said it about five
times in a row or because i picked up the check, but whatever. if it
all comes down to paying eight bucks to make your friend leave her
idiot boyfriend, thats pretty fucking cool.)

that was on a thursday. that night you called me at around 9:30 to
recap what turned out to be a pretty quick breakup. we didnt talk for
long, since i had to work early and you were in that relaxed, euphoric
state people get whenever some great burden is lifted. you did want to
call and tell me about it, but you also knew you were going to sleep
better that night than you had in weeks - no, months! - and so after a
quick, ten-minute rundown of the breakup proceedings, you headed for
bed, cracked open a book, and fell asleep before making it through one
paragraph.

i had plans to hang out at the lava room on saturday, and so you
joined me and my buddies from work. since they and i never talk shop
at night, you found it easy to join the conversation and feel like
part of the crew. we were packed in a booth like - like a bunch of
overdressed yuppies squished together in a midtown dive. somehow you
got to sit between the wall and me (and three people on my other
side). there was a ledge that stuck out from the wall, and you
couldnt help but lean your head a little in my direction. of course,
when we first sat down like this, i (very nicely, i think) leaned way
back so you could move forward and a bit in front of me so that the
lean was not quite as far. not optimal, not the most comfortable
situation in the world, but hell, we were all drinking and laughing
and bsing, so no one really cared.

we were there a good hour, hour-and-a-half.... i couldnt really tell,
we were having so much fun. but this civil arrangement of me leaned
back and you forward and just to my left lasted about that long. we
were in constant physical contact the whole time. my arm was kind of
positioned behind you (i had to put it somewhere). you were leaning
gently against it, but at first im sure neither of us thought
anything of it. (i mean, my right side was up against frank and that
certainly didnt do anything for me.) i guess that was really the
first time wed ever spent well over ten seconds in contact, and
although i didnt give it much thought at first, it was, in
retrospect, strangely comfortable - and comforting, and familiar.

alcohol being what it is - and we werent drinking heavily or fast,
but we were about done with our second drink by now - everyone got a
little - lets say - jolly. and as always happens to young people when
they sit around bsing and drinking, the subject turned to
relationships. and then, naturally, it turned to sex. but not before
you had a chance to deliver your swan song about your new ex. i just
sat back quietly while you lamented about mr. dorkos saturday night
shuffle from the chair to the bed, and about sundry other annoyances,
like... well, no need to recount them, is there? point is, he was
history. my buddies were adequately sympathetic and, rather
charitably, they raised a glass to your new-found freedom. in further
celebration, someone even bought a round of jaeger (that viscous swill
favored by frat boys and dullards everywhere, and secretly appreciated
by people like me who sometimes wish they could be as just as
charismatic). im sure the spirits were also responsible for how
animated you became at points in your story, and, almost
instinctively, i would reach over (which was easy, as my hand had but
an inch or two to travel) and pat your shoulder, and then gently
massage it. you didnt seem to mind, and in fact you seemed to fall
back against my arm for a moment when i stopped to let my hand rest,
as though you wished me to continue. i was somewhat tentative in
continuing, but i would massage you for short periods and then rest,
thinking that i didnt want to freak you out or think i was hitting on
you. (was i? its hard to tell. i remember feeling good about so many
things at the time, including pride for your decision to leave that
idiot. whatever it was, it was a warm, profound feeling of
admiration.)

two hours into our stay, you were fully against my arm, and i think
someone did say something about how we looked good together like that.
we were too tired and loopy to be embarrassed, and so we actually
played into it. or maybe it wasnt play, but at that point you finally
did lean deliberately into my arm, which i wrapped fully around you.
neither of us responded verbally to my buddys observation, and
luckily the conversation was interrupted by some noise or event in
another part of the bar.

shortly thereafter, we left. i had picked you up at home, so we set
out, ostensibly to return you home before i headed back to my place.
we werent that tired, though, so we thought wed get a coffee at
chubbys (one of the few all-night diners in town, and a haven for
teenagers and the strange characters who only come out at night). our
conversation there was forgettable, and we sat across from each other
out in the middle of the room. but, being sobered by all the coffee
and water we downed, we were still somewhat wired by the time we left.
interesting how we were both leaned way in toward each other the whole
time.

so chubbys became tiresome and loud (as it always does) and we didnt
linger. but man, were we wired. this was almost worse than being
drunk. but we were tired of being out, so by default we ended up at
your place.

we couldnt think of much to talk about, but for some strange reason
neither of us wanted to part company. that much was obvious. you got
us a couple of beers and returned to the living room and sat next to
me on the couch. you turned on the food network and there was anthony
bourdain, traipsing around bangkok and making his usual wise guy quips
the whole time. we laughed every time he said something even remotely
funny. i think we were starting to get a sense of how glad we were to
be in each others presence. at one guffaw you threw your head back
and said ow, and i said something like oh, all that work massaging
out that tension earlier and you want to go ruin it in two seconds.

hm-hm, well youll just have to do it all over again!

oh really?

yeah, now get to work.

so i did, but this time i though id be a bit more thorough, so i
ordered you to sit on the floor in front of the couch, and i put your
shoulders between my knees and really went to work on giving you a
decent massage. (i mean, if youre going to do it right....) i worked my
fingers down inside your shirt somewhat, since the fabric was getting
in the way of working the tissue as deeply as i wanted to. i worked
just the top for a while, but then got braver and massaged inside your
shirt along your collarbone, and then down in back, across your
shoulder blades. you loved every minute of it, and would occasionally
tilt your head way back to look up at me, almost subvocalizing an
ooooo or ohhhhh, god.... your eyes were half closed, but your mouth
was open wide when you did this. i couldnt help notice what an
amazing pink circle it was, how it was framed by its puffy cushion of
lips, and your small, pink tongue occasionally caught the light and
sparkled from within. when you tilted your head back for the forth for
fifth time, you whispered thank you and smiled.

wed forgotten the beers, which stayed open and untouched.

in another moment of bravery, i moved my left hand up your shirt from
below and all the way up to your shoulder blade, to the inside edge
where the bone meets the softer muscle tissue between it and the
spine. i wrapped my right hand around you, just under your neck and
placed the palm of my hand against the front part of your shoulder.
this way i could hold it steady while i gently worked my flattened
left hand underneath the shoulder blade, and worked it around in small
circles. you werent wearing a bra at this point (youd removed it and
changed into a sweat shirt when you got home), so there was no strap
to get in the way. this took considerable strength and control on my
part, and as i shifted my weight against you i made almost inaudible
grunting sounds. for different reasons (of apparent pleasure), you
made similar noises. my nose was right against your head as i did
this, and i couldnt help inhaling deeply to smell the mixture of
shampoo and your own sweet feminine scent. i released my hold, gently,
and moved around to work underneath your right shoulder blade. as i
wrapped my left hand across your chest you reached up to hold it with
both hands, just lightly. my right hand up the back of your shirt
moved more slowly this time, and i even moved the fabric up your torso
a little more so it wasnt pulled as tightly. you didnt protest.

like before, my nose and mouth were right against your head and,
feeling my presence there, you leaned your head full into my face. my
pace slowed a bit, and finally my lips brushed against your ear. this
new, albeit slight sensation of your bare skin against my face gave
both of us a goosebump-filled charge, and at that moment the tenor of
the situation definitely changed. i moved my right hand down and
around front and placed it against your bare belly, and continued to
hold your right shoulder from the front. we held that pose for a
minute or three, just basking in this new realization that we were
more attracted to each other than perhaps wed been willing to admit.

you slowly turned your head to the left, and as soon as your cheek met
my mouth i kissed it. you giggled and smiled as widely as you could.

whats so funny?

mmm, nothing. nothing.

should i not have done that?

i didnt say that. it was nice.

pause.

i want to do it again.

i want you to do it again, you said with the broadest of smiles, and
your eyes closed.

so, rubbing your shoulder and your belly, i kissed your cheek and then
moved down to your neck. you moved your hands up to caress my head and
play with my hair. after a couple minutes of playing up and down your
neck, and in this now awkward and slightly painful pose, i told you to
stand up. still beaming wide and barely able to open your eyes, you
complied and we stood there in front of the couch and embraced. i
kissed your neck more aggressively this time, and massaged up and down
your back, even daringly let my hands go down far enough to recognize
the border where your back ended and your buttocks started. my mouth
finally found its way to yours, and for the first few kisses we were
smiling too broadly to get any real work done. but we soon became more
comfortable and settled into long, deep kisses. we held each other
tightly and you did not seem to mind that i was starting to get hard,
my cock right up against you and growing by the minute. it seemed
futile to hide the physical manifestation of my attraction to you at
that point. as i squeezed you i moved your torso back and forth just
slightly, and slowly, so i could feel the full contour of your breasts
and nipples as they brushed against my chest. i really didnt have any
plans as to what to do next, but i clearly enjoyed having your
gorgeous body up against mine. it felt right.

you broke away, took my hand and led me toward your bedroom. it was
pretty obvious what we both wanted - and needed - at that point, so as
soon as we got to your room we re-embraced and our hands liberally
danced about each other. we were excited and giddy, but you
particularly were breathing heavily.

why didnt we do this before? you sighed.

i dont know. but right now i want you so much. god, i want you,
---.

i want you too. i want you to have me. any way you want. i just want
you.

we kissed hard. my hands moved up your back, and after a few strong,
slow strokes up and down your back, i pulled up on your sweatshirt to
indicate that i wanted it off, and you answered by raising your arms.
our mouths quickly met again after the shirt was gone, and i moved my
hands down to your pajama bottoms, which were loose fitting enough so
that once they passed your hips, they fell effortlessly to the floor.
you stepped out of them and quickly discarded my shirt. i was
surprised at how aggressively you kissed along my neck, down my chest,
and to my belly. you were kneeling on the floor now and worked on
undoing my jeans. it took a few tugs (theyre more form fitting than
your pjs), but they slid down finally and took my boxers right with
them. i was so hard that my organ was pointed straight down until the
tip cleared the waistband, freeing it, thus flipping it up. a tiny,
glistening drop shamelessly flew off in some direction, but only you
noticed it, and you chuckled slightly. defensively i said, what???
and you just smiled and shook your head, as if to say everything was
as it should be.

you wasted no time in cupping my sack gently with one hand and
stroking me with the other, and soon your lips - those delicate
cushions i had admired earlier - were softly circling the tip and
finally the entire shaft, all the way down to the hilt. i moaned
softly and lightly brushed the sides of your head with both hands, and
felt right against your lips so i could feel the point at which they
slid along my shaft, which was now at its hardest. after a few more
strokes i held your head more firmly and started to guide your head up
and down, and i was moving my hips slightly at this point. you now
placed your hands behind me and rested them on my buttocks, pulling me
toward you as you slid down my column.

ohhh god, ---.... if we keep this up im going to come.

instead of pulling away, you sighed heavily and pulled me toward your
head more aggressively, but i didnt want to finish yet, so i laughed
and pulled away.

oh, no - not yet. i want more of you before i get to that point.
comere.

i pulled you up and walked you over to the end of the bed. after a
quick kiss i lay you down so that your buttocks were at the edge, and
i knelt down between your legs, which i held apart wide so i could see
your now-glistening slit. even the hair around it was like a dense
forest, the trees being clumps of hair crowned with clear, sparkling
foliage. it was beautiful, and i wanted to devour it. i blew on it
just slightly to watch the droplets shimmer, and i felt goose bumps
form along the inside of your thighs. i took your hands, wrapped them
around your thighs, and pressed your hands against them so as to
indicate that i wanted you to hold yourself open so i could have the
full use of both my hands and mouth. gently, i pulled your secret lips
apart and exposed the shiny pink cave underneath. i was trying not to
go too fast, but at this point i was starved, i pressed my mouth flat
against your clitoris and let my tongue dance around it in light,
frenetic flicks, my lips greedily pressed against you the whole time.
with one hand i held your little hole open and inserted one, two, then
three fingers inside, and pulled up slightly so i could massage the
spongy textured patch of skin just inside. you were moving your hips
about at this point and breathing quite heavily. my mouth was bathed
in your juices by now, which were starting to drip onto your
comforter, but no one cared. you tasted sweet and warm, and the aroma
was so intoxicating i felt somewhat drunk.

you occasionally convulsed so as to thrust your mound in my face while
arching your back, which sometimes had the unintentional effect of
getting my tongue a little off center. i moved my hands along your
smooth skin and up to your nipples, where they rested. i was able to
steady you by cupping your breasts firmly, while still moving my index
fingers across your nipples, just enough to tease them into staying
hard. my palms stayed anchored to your chest, so i could keep your
frequent rising from interrupting my tongue-play. this went on for
about five minutes, and i showed no sign of tiring at milking you for
all the sweet juice you could make between your legs. and eventually
even this could barely contain your thrashings, and your legs began to
shake, and you moved your hands down to stroke the top of my head. you
were breathing audibly now, with a little moan for each breath, and as
my tongue lashed at you with its steady pace, your moans became wilder
until you heaved a long, resonant wail, and my face was inundated with
your juice, which almost seemed to spray across it for an instant. i
pulled my face away, knowing that you would be particularly sensitive
there now, stood up against the bed and between your legs, and bent
over to put my full weight on you. we kissed feverishly and you must
have licked everything off my face you had previously deposited there.
unbeknownst to both of us, a thread-thin line of liquid dropped from
my tip and onto the floor and stayed there like the strand of a
spiders web.

i want you inside me. i want you inside me now.

tell me again you want me. dont whisper this time. tell me what you
want me to do.

ohhh, god, i want you to fuck me. just fuck me. fuck me! fuck me so
hard! right between my legs. thats where i want you. deep inside.

i want to fuck you so hard. keep your legs spread. i want to be deep
inside you. deeper than anyones ever been before.

do it. now.

so i stood back up, positioned the head of my member against your
opening (both of which were now slick and primed with their respective
lubricants), wrapped my hands around your thighs, lifted you up
slightly, and easily slipped inside you. you shrieked with pleasure on
the first entry. holding your legs and ass firmly against me, i used
my hips to work my way deeper and deeper inside of you and then
lowered you back down onto the bed so i could hold your legs wide
open, insanely wide. i started to pump you rhythmically, getting
almost all the way out each time and pushing firmly in until i was
sure i was all the way at the back. your head was to the side, one
hand sort of half-curled and against your mouth, the other laying back
freely, palm up, on the other side of your head. i was grunting like a
marathon runner on the last mile while you whimpered and sighed.

i went crazy. after a while i pulled out, guided you to turn over so
you were on your hands and knees, spread your knees apart, and entered
you again and thrust into you even harder while i reached around and
held your breasts. the more i pounded you, the more frequently you
yelled fuck me, fuck me and oh, god, dont you stop. dont you
fucking stop now the harder my thrusts into your still-dripping hole
became. soon i had to let go of your breasts and hold you by the hips
so i could exert my full strength on you with each jab. i was making
loud, gravely noises as i pounded you now (i was sure id be
embarrassed later to remember myself making noises like that, but eh,
what the hell - you were at least as loud as i was, although at some
point you pushed your head down into the soft comforter and yelled
into it).

i could barely say that i was about to come, but i guess you did hear
me.

do it in my mouth.

what?

i want to you to come in my mouth.

umm-then get over here, cause i cant hold back any more.

somehow i pulled out and you performed some feat of acrobatics such
that you not only swung around but off the bed and back into a
kneeling position in front of me, cradling my tackle like before, and
your mouth, your sweet, lovely mouth, encircled me just in time to
receive the great, violent pulsing i suddenly felt. you pumped me with
your mouth slightly during this, and the pulsing seemed to go on
forever.

i dropped to my knees and heard you swallow (that answered that question...) 
and as our arms started to encircle each other, we both collapsed onto 
the floor.

we held each other tightly for a long while, while i kissed your
forehead and ran my fingers through your hair - your hair youd just
dyed light brown but which was lovely any color. we knew this would be
a good time to sleep, but we were too tired to move. i managed to bend
one arm back, grab the comforter, and pull it on top of us (folding
back the wet spot).

we slept for god-knows-how-many hours and upon awakening held each
other tightly, as wed done the night before.

---?

mm?

i think i might like you.

we both laughed hard, and somehow fell back asleep a few minutes later.